let me call my own bluff,
tell you about every time
i thought i'd rather not be alive
i'll show the stories i've spun
upon my gossamer wrists-
if you'd truly like to hear it,
i'll grin and bear it.
before i bare arms,
let me warn you,
i was taught to bear arms,
bristle at the slightest touch
drive the hurt away
before it happened
i was raised in a world of strength
told to never remove my mask
oh, i must confess-
i never learned how to express
myself in the proper way
i cursed myself
with this addiction; i was the one
who initiated this affliction,
pulled this mirror across my skin
to reflect the madness within
and i will not blame
anyone but myself
for the creation of
my invisible hell
even fire cannot burn through
this stony expression
i understand that you can't imagine
what hatred lies within
i look so normal, oh,
so high-functioning
but behind this wall, it's agonizing.
i don't wish to brag,
but i don't even know
how i've survived the onslaught
of self-hate, years-long
i deny the existence of the talent
you say i possess, no,
i don't believe your compliments
and if you want to know
how i've always felt-
well, here it is,
woven into the ribbons on my wrists
my barcode arms
remind me
that i'm lucky
just to have you stick around.