Honestly I think this is me giving up again as I relapse back into this sin/
Watching the morning pass me by as white fades to black/
It takes everything in me not to look back/
Inside I'm fighting to forget the past that's had me held so fast/
Relax they say the moment will pass/
Another memory to remember the misery that's been blessed to be the only thing given to me/
While the few people around keep repeating It's gonna be ok/
Like they've lived my life for even a day/
Pain and loneliness that's the price I pay/
These tears and blood are what paved the way/
That's why I don't care if this life is taken away/
I want the music to change so let the silence play/
I'm a coward who's tired/
More afraid to live then I am of being dead/
As your promise keeps ringing in my ear as a whispered lie/
So what if you cried for a night/
I've been crying my whole life here take this knife and cut the wrist on my right/
Left one left with you when you took back everything you said that night/
Am I dreaming or are we playing make pretend so we don't feel alone when we lay in this bed/
I guess it doesn't really matter when it's this nothing I'm really after/
Depressed some of you probably think I've become when honestly/
I'm just upset at the lack of humanity/
Why I'm cursed by insanity and afflicted by the fake sincerity/
Of every made up reason given so it was ok for each one of you to walk away as if it was just another day like it was yesterday/
How easy it is to **** when your the one pulling the trigger as you will/
When all you have to do is pop another pill/
Do the thoughts of me yield so i can be forgotten/
Your face so still/
This false love was the loaded gun that made my life numb/
The bullet was made from your lies killing what little was left inside/
Every syllable formed is now dust/
Your words but rust/
In the mirror my eyes are lifeless the witness to its own emptiness/
Heartless
Now I'm colorless/
Black and white don't make or break the happiness/
Everybody bleeds the same color so why doesn't my life matter/
Sadder and sadder I become as my feelings fall deeper and deeper/
Feeling like a needle pressed slowly in is my only lover that still makes my veins flutter/
Despite drowning in water on this silent bottom i truly prefer/
Lost in my shadow always begging her for more searching for the suffer of forever torn/
Papers litter the floor of my mind as the tatter bits of you scattering memories of ink onto this blank letter/
Was i muttering writings of rhymes or poetry you tell me/
All I know is I was whole once before then you came along knocking down doors/
Filling me full of promises and things I was looking for/
When I was at my lowest hoping to be unnoticed you made living a choice/
For you I decided suicide wasn't alright half empty you smiled as I laid at your feet/
Weak from the tomorrow's that made yesterday/
Why help me if you were just gonna leave today/
All the love I felt I wont say I wish I never gave cause the same love i continue to save/
Dreaming of a day when I'm able to hand it away to a girl who's willing to do the same/
Lay here with me where we can feel ok because we both feel the same pain/
Rain on my face doesn't explain why the sky is grey/
When there's no clouds and the sun is the only thing out in every way/
Yet the rain is still falling an it makes no sound as it makes its way down/
So my sin I welcome again as I relapse back into this ground I lay on waiting to be found/
Rhyme of reality or dream of poetry which will it be/
Desperate human being or no longer breathing/
Which ones me I've yet to see if that's even a possibility/