Behind my apartment complex is a small creek dry most of the year and filled with trash it gurgles this time of year with brown foamy water the wash of industrial civilization at first the smell is foul, but now is merely murky and there is no smell and a pleasing sound of water
I look for signs of coziness around me and I notice steam rising from the laundry room that is visible in the cold like a chimney puffing comfy smoke into the rainy air
And I think of you and I'm afraid I thought of you in Walmart My life--this is the real thing there are no romantic castles, only a wet shopping cart in a crowded exploitive store As I passed by the packaged vegetables and stared at the racks and racks of ugly clothes I thought, I am in control
The fear wells up inside of me fear of HIM.Β Β That him who squashed me who took over my mind I think of all the books I read, as people pass by with very important shopping to do and a homeless man makes a decision about which milk to buy and he smells horrible, like decay and wetness and people resent him and I wish there were no homeless people I wish there was more caring and less brutality in our world.
The key is not to care about HIM until you know who he is The key is to keep your distanced mind in judgement And I must remember this key because I swear no one will ever hurt me that much again.
I am a hidden creek, a pristine one, because I would never hurt the natural world as we have He cannot see it, or any other he, until I know exactly who he is.