Oct 2018
Do you regret anything?
I definitely regret meeting you.
Perhaps if I'd met someone better I would have a healthier mindset.
Before I met you I was unaware of societies pressures.
When you came along you pushed societies beliefs on me, you made me swallow it all down unwillingly.
I didn't know I was a pure imperfection.
My existence was flawed in every way, you made me see that so clearly.
I couldn't look into the mirror without feeling contempt at the face I saw, it was my own but I hated it.
Your prying eyes and scalding tone made me second guess every aspect of myself.
I was less than adequate and your words made me realize it.
I started to compare myself to everyone, that was my biggest downfall.
The apparent difference between myself and my peers made me uncomfortable in my skin.
My best friends were dragging my self esteem down to hell and I was fighting back feebly.
I wanted to be my own person but that wasn't at all greeted with open arms.
I had blend in with the others in order to fit in but I never could.
I couldn't mold myself into what they wanted.
As each day went on I knew with certainty: I was a worthless human who couldn't even follow simple rules.
Who I am didn't matter.
I just had to fit in and everything would be okay.
But I was breaking and wasn't perfect.
My mind was collapsing and I still didn't fit in.
Everyone was leaving.
One by one they left behind scars on my heart until one person was left.
The scars on my heart didn't matter as long as she was besides me.
She was the one who left behind the biggest scars but at the moment I didn't care, at least I wasn't alone.
She stepped on me and bruised me but I loved her, I felt like love was enough to fill the emptiness in my heart.
In my mind I made her out to be an angel even though she was running her nails down my skin, even as she was making the gashes in my heart larger.
I knew I would never heal but I stayed even as she manipulated me with my love for her.
She never cared enough but her smile made all the pain worth it.
These tears and pain, will they ever go away?
I definitely regret meeting you.
Perhaps if I'd met someone better I would have a healthier mindset.
Before I met you I was unaware of societies pressures.
When you came along you pushed societies beliefs on me, you made me swallow it all down unwillingly.
I didn't know I was a pure imperfection.
My existence was flawed in every way, you made me see that so clearly.
I couldn't look into the mirror without feeling contempt at the face I saw, it was my own but I hated it.
Your prying eyes and scalding tone made me second guess every aspect of myself.
I was less than adequate and your words made me realize it.
I started to compare myself to everyone, that was my biggest downfall.
The apparent difference between myself and my peers made me uncomfortable in my skin.
My best friends were dragging my self esteem down to hell and I was fighting back feebly.
I wanted to be my own person but that wasn't at all greeted with open arms.
I had blend in with the others in order to fit in but I never could.
I couldn't mold myself into what they wanted.
As each day went on I knew with certainty: I was a worthless human who couldn't even follow simple rules.
Who I am didn't matter.
I just had to fit in and everything would be okay.
But I was breaking and wasn't perfect.
My mind was collapsing and I still didn't fit in.
Everyone was leaving.
One by one they left behind scars on my heart until one person was left.
The scars on my heart didn't matter as long as she was besides me.
She was the one who left behind the biggest scars but at the moment I didn't care, at least I wasn't alone.
She stepped on me and bruised me but I loved her, I felt like love was enough to fill the emptiness in my heart.
In my mind I made her out to be an angel even though she was running her nails down my skin, even as she was making the gashes in my heart larger.
I knew I would never heal but I stayed even as she manipulated me with my love for her.
She never cared enough but her smile made all the pain worth it.
These tears and pain, will they ever go away?
