We just had a brief talk today, we discuss how our day went and we laugh about silly jokes we throw at each other. This kind of conversation is something usual for us maybe because this is the nature of our job.

Then, suddenly we shifted into a much serious conversation, the casual tone of our voices has transformed into an intimate discourse. I love listening to your promising sweet thoughts, though I know those were just words written in the air.

I told you my disappointments and how I wanted to end this unlabeled relationship. I hate you and will keep repeating this until I no longer have to. However, it seems the words are just said for formality’s sake. Why I couldn’t keep the existing anger within? I know it is for real, I just felt it like a few days back or so. I know it is somewhere in the corner of my existence, maybe it was hidden beneath the luring compliments you use to tell me every time.

I have to pay a site visit to the heart, to check whether everything is still intact. I need to check where the root of the pain is, so I could determine the appropriate measure to solve this concerns.

But, after seeing you today, again the anger goes away!

It was replaced by overflowing elated excitements like I even ask permission to myself saying, “ Can I have a minute to hug him?”,

Again, I am becoming a stupid, irrational being.

I should keep the hate not the opposite emotion.  I think he has seen this coming and so he is confident that I won’t let go of this very annoying sensation. Maybe he is also taking advantage of my situation, but how can I end this? He already knows my weakness and he is my weakness.

An absurd creature! Can I cut my heart out and slice it into pieces? So I don’t have to deal with this foolish desires. I think I need help, badly need an intervention, how about a surgical procedure? My mind is too overwhelmed with several propositions.  But seems at the end, I am the only person who could make the right decision.