Dead Alive

I don’t belong in this Earth …
This life isn't for me …
I really don't think so the Lord Jesus Christ was making  a statement,
That this world is the survival of the fittest…
And for me being here only hurts the ones that I care of the ones that I love..
Oow yes LOVE I said it..

I kept asking myself these Questions…
Why am I Alive?
Do I even belong in this life?
Is this what I was born for?
What is my role to play in this world?

Well yet I haven't found the answers to all the questions I have,
It is starting to make sense though…
I am useless,
A Basted, if u knw what I mean.

So I've been thinking a lot lately…
It is Cristally clear that I don't belong is this EARTH
Since I only Hurt the ones that I love
Clearly I'm not good at it…
So I thought of writing a suicide note,
Then  again I knew it would hurt those I love
Again I thought of Calling them telling them how much of a blessing it was for me to have known them
Then again I knew it would still Hurt them
I thought of many ways to **** myself to free those I love from hurting but again it won't change the fact that I'm still hurting those I love …

I so wish I was a Fan of God at least he would Have shown me the way…
I don't know what to do anymore I am DEAD ALIVE…