Oct 2018
I was a snowflake in a world of ashes.
I grew up in a broken city made of old bricks, busted windows and lost dreams.
Block baby from the bricks, that's what my father called me.
He loved me and i loved him but so did the streets. They called for him and he would go to war, it wasn't picture perfect but he provided and protected.
I remember blue lights, gun shots, sirens, broken families, crying mothers, and children jus wanting to know a father or mother.
Soon i was lost and afraid.
My father was taken from me, cuffs on his wrist and his body shoved into the back of a caged car.
My mother ran away leaving me to fight the world on my own.
My grandmother stayed and raised me as well as all the kids who grew up on that block needing someone to love them.
Everyday was a like living in a war.
School was a battleground.
A young girl not knowing the answers to the questions i was asked.
My father and grandmother were black and i wasn't it never crossed my mind bc they loved me and that was all i could see.
I was asked and asked and asked,
" why are you white?" " how does your hair get so curly and puffy?" " why'd your mom leave?" " where did your dad go?".
I was told and told and told,
" your probably lying about your family" " you might be adopted" " that's probably not your real dad" " you should really flat iron your hair".
I pushed the world away, i was angry, sad, and broken. I fell apart
I became my father, the streets raised me how they raised him, it called my name and i answered, i sold my soul away hoping it would numb me. I realised the streets could take away family but also give you family .
My grandmother told me i was more, she wanted me to take over the world, she told me i would accomplish great things but if i stayed i might not make it , so she decided it was time my mother grew up an became part of my life.
I left home , i left behind who i was, i left behind a life i never planned on looking back on, shortly after news that my grandmother passed reached me and i felt more alone than i ever had before.
A new start wasn't any better.
In school they asked us " what do your parents do?" How am i to answer in front of judging new eyes, " my mother stays in bed all day depressed with pills as her only friends" " my father was a gang banger who wasted away behind bars until the day cancer put him 6 feet under". If those were the words that left my mouth only God knows how'd they'd react.
I fell in love with a boy and he reminded me of home.
He was everything i left behind
He was from the bricks
He grew up like me
He lived the life i lived
I fell in love with what i was running from.
But the world was still cold
He wasn't white so they told me it was wrong
They said he wasn't good enough
He wasn't smart enough, that all he knew was dealing and stealing
But he was so much more.
He was perfect to me
His mind is beautiful and brilliant
His arms are warm and safe
He works hard bc he wants to make it out the street life
He holds me when when i cry
He holds me up and i support him.
I fell in love with what i was running from,
He was home to me
But also so much more.
I grew up in a broken city made of old bricks, busted windows and lost dreams.
Block baby from the bricks, that's what my father called me.
He loved me and i loved him but so did the streets. They called for him and he would go to war, it wasn't picture perfect but he provided and protected.
I remember blue lights, gun shots, sirens, broken families, crying mothers, and children jus wanting to know a father or mother.
Soon i was lost and afraid.
My father was taken from me, cuffs on his wrist and his body shoved into the back of a caged car.
My mother ran away leaving me to fight the world on my own.
My grandmother stayed and raised me as well as all the kids who grew up on that block needing someone to love them.
Everyday was a like living in a war.
School was a battleground.
A young girl not knowing the answers to the questions i was asked.
My father and grandmother were black and i wasn't it never crossed my mind bc they loved me and that was all i could see.
I was asked and asked and asked,
" why are you white?" " how does your hair get so curly and puffy?" " why'd your mom leave?" " where did your dad go?".
I was told and told and told,
" your probably lying about your family" " you might be adopted" " that's probably not your real dad" " you should really flat iron your hair".
I pushed the world away, i was angry, sad, and broken. I fell apart
I became my father, the streets raised me how they raised him, it called my name and i answered, i sold my soul away hoping it would numb me. I realised the streets could take away family but also give you family .
My grandmother told me i was more, she wanted me to take over the world, she told me i would accomplish great things but if i stayed i might not make it , so she decided it was time my mother grew up an became part of my life.
I left home , i left behind who i was, i left behind a life i never planned on looking back on, shortly after news that my grandmother passed reached me and i felt more alone than i ever had before.
A new start wasn't any better.
In school they asked us " what do your parents do?" How am i to answer in front of judging new eyes, " my mother stays in bed all day depressed with pills as her only friends" " my father was a gang banger who wasted away behind bars until the day cancer put him 6 feet under". If those were the words that left my mouth only God knows how'd they'd react.
I fell in love with a boy and he reminded me of home.
He was everything i left behind
He was from the bricks
He grew up like me
He lived the life i lived
I fell in love with what i was running from.
But the world was still cold
He wasn't white so they told me it was wrong
They said he wasn't good enough
He wasn't smart enough, that all he knew was dealing and stealing
But he was so much more.
He was perfect to me
His mind is beautiful and brilliant
His arms are warm and safe
He works hard bc he wants to make it out the street life
He holds me when when i cry
He holds me up and i support him.
I fell in love with what i was running from,
He was home to me
But also so much more.
