There was a time when idolized the tortured artist.
I now realise that there is a price that must be paid for this new insight into my soul.
I'm no longer equipped with the tools to look after myself.
I'm no longer functional.
I watch my mental health deteriorate, and these pills are yet to work.
Just keep taking the pills, just keep taking the pills.
Hour 85 of my most recent waking period, and my Brain shows no signs of tiring.
I would give my life to be happy.
I would gladly forfeit my consciousness if it would buy your sanity.
Memories repressed, clawing at the curtains.
I won't let them in.
Stop talking to myself, please stop talking to myself.
I only talk to myself because there is no one else.
I feel like it is too painful and awkward a process to say;
"I'm sad and lonely, can we hang out and pretend like i'm normal?"
If only i were honest with myself.
If only i could forgive myself.
If only these pills would fix my broken mind.
I wish i could travel in time, i would have myself live life to the full,
Before the cumulative pain and regret rob me of my sanity.
Watching my mental health deteriorate as surely as hair grows and dawn fades.
I'm ready.