I wonder,
If this is all just a waste of time or a lesson in progress.
I can't quite decide how I want to interpret this situation yet.
It seems so fragile to me.
To my heart.
No one else but to me, does it matter.
Maybe that's the thing of it...
It's not suppose to matter to anyone else.
Are we all just destined to really travel this life alone?
In a sense.
Because that just breaks me a little to think we are.
Coming from a heart guarded person.
Doubt, vulnerability,
These things scare me.
But not enough to not try, to overcome them.
Standing tall and strong on an independent pedestal is fine.
It really is.
To enjoy life solo and free is a wonderful experience.
But then sometimes...
You want to share the journey with someone.
Laugh with someone, smile with someone.
Hold someone.
It's just not something we can plan for.
We can't map out exactly when and where and who we'll be drawn toward.
We can't expect the unexpected, when we're not expecting anything to begin with.
And isn't that the thing of it.
I never expected.
Dropped into something when I wasn't looking.
Tricked myself right on through a maze of emotion.
And now the plan, the way I was contently leading on
Has been affected by the unexpected.
And I'm not sure what to do.
Or not do.
See...fragile.
The snow globe that was my life has been shaken,
And all around me falls uncertainty of the heart.
I was fine with waiting until it happened naturally.
Not being alone anymore.
Finding someone who just...
Fits.
But I guess what I had been doing was expecting.
Expecting to not expect anything.
And now there's this place.
This situation that I can't really determine.
If it's a waste of time,
Or a blessing in progress.


*© NDHK