Your loyalty resides in falseness. You are not a clean slate rather a rationalist, you rationalize whether continuing something will benefit you. Someone slanders you "I don't want to be their friend", a friend of 13 years slanders you,"I have to be their friend for one more year but I wan't things to be normal again." Fake is what you reside in, and the world has made you hard. You have made yourself hard which is the saddest part. In something that you can control you made yourself this person who is perceived untouchable and maybe you are. Because it never felt like I ever touched you.