As I lay here at 5:30 AM I just can't take it all in. Moving away was something that I always wanted. It's just so different I can't really word it. I'm happy to be out here but I'm a little sick inside. Being so far away from everything that's been by my side. So close to having a brand new life. But my old one just started 2 months before I left it behind. They say my writing is great. But sometimes I can't believe it. Just stories of hard times that have controlled the way that my mind has been created. I think of all the masses. My mental isn't always focused upon the women's *****. Yes it strays there sometimes in the moment. But I want a girl that I can click with for eternity. And then eventually lead to her maternity. I want a mental, intellectual, and physical bond. I don't wanna repeat my last. I was in love it destroyed me when it crashed. But even the titanic sunk. Not everything is unbreakable even though if it says it was. We sank. And I find myself here. Slightly addicted to nicotine with a hole of despair. She doesn't know the plans that I had. But now it's too late to get them back. I need to get over her completely yes I do. But sometimes there's reasons your mind won't let you. I cry about her sometimes when I'm lonely. Idk if it's her or the fact I need someone to hold me. Next month it'll be a year. Since that day we shared both our tears. I cradled her in my arms. And we sat there and tore ourselves apart. It didn't make sense. Honestly it still doesn't. It affected you so much. So why didn't you stop it? All you had to do was ******* communicate. But since you didn't our lives have a different fate. I would have given you everything in the world. You would have been decked out in diamonds and pearls. I loved you so ******* much. But I guess my love couldn't compare to the buzz...