Sep 2018
Daddy,
Can you tell I notice your hands are empty when you go to grasp Mommy's face?
Do you watch me see your eyes look passed her shoulder and never at her,
Like all of what is there are only left overs,
A broken soul erased after each night that you come home late because of "traffic"
Do you see her shrinking until she's bone and broken, broken bones
A skeleton in the dungeon of marriage
Faded into nothing but the silhouette of a woman
Do you see her?
Is she not pretty anymore, Daddy? Is she not pretty?
Does her face seem to droop when she walks into our living room?
Are you too busy watching television to know her nails are so short they bleed?
That last night she didn't eat,
Her stomach says she's feeling sick but by now it's been a week
Are you worried at all?
I've watched my mother shrink because a man thought he was too man to love her
Not man enough to love her forever
Now I am engaged to the reality that some women are fated to be thrown away or kept under the covers
My mom is a woman
My mom is a woman who has been pried open by her husband
Left to damage and to renew her vows to her own self destruction
I've watched my mother die inside because of a man who lies
I should have known as a 24 year old Marine you must have had a love for war
Then you brought it back with you and put it into your relationship, into your job, and into our home
Now 25 years have fallen and Mommy can't think straight anymore
Now I see her shrinking until she's bone and broken, broken bones
A skeleton in the dungeon of marriage
Faded into nothing but the silhouette of a woman
Her shadows on the walls are getting smaller
And her voice a lot quieter except for when you're fighting
And I ask you if she's leaving
You want to tell me
"Mommy does nothing wrong,
But Mommy is not enough for me and I’ll forget you remembered I said this when I tell you that I hope one day you’ll grow up to be like her,
I hope one day your brain will shrink so you think you need to settle for a man who will never give
I hope every inch of your being is ingrained and bestowed in his name
Then you'll realize the reason that I still come home and the reason that I pray are the same,
It isn’t because I know I did wrong,
It’s because I know I’ll always be forgiven
That’s why I tell you to always look out for Jesus because Jesus has always looked out for me,
When I felt her hair and body brushed up beside me,
Saw different colored skin on the bed sheets and forgot my own family"
Tell me why you did it, Daddy
Tell me why my mom is one of those women who will never feel worthy
Tell me why because she loved, now she's hurting
Tell me why when I meet a man who wants me I ask him which parts he would pick out of me,
Sew into another skin that may feel more meant to be,
May be more soft, maybe
Smooth instead of my roughness is way more pretty
Mommy told me better sewn, because at least then there's still pieces of me where he was stitching
But I'd rather be wrong for you, because my father taught me I can be a wife and you will still choose otherwise
Tell me why I am not right for you
Tell me why I am not enough for you
Tell me why my mother and I have shrunk until we're bone and broken, broken bones
Skeletons in the dungeon locked by the men who swore they loved us
Pried open by them after they promised they wouldn't hurt us
Faded into nothing but the silhouettes of women.
Do you see us?
Can you tell I notice your hands are empty when you go to grasp Mommy's face?
Do you watch me see your eyes look passed her shoulder and never at her,
Like all of what is there are only left overs,
A broken soul erased after each night that you come home late because of "traffic"
Do you see her shrinking until she's bone and broken, broken bones
A skeleton in the dungeon of marriage
Faded into nothing but the silhouette of a woman
Do you see her?
Is she not pretty anymore, Daddy? Is she not pretty?
Does her face seem to droop when she walks into our living room?
Are you too busy watching television to know her nails are so short they bleed?
That last night she didn't eat,
Her stomach says she's feeling sick but by now it's been a week
Are you worried at all?
I've watched my mother shrink because a man thought he was too man to love her
Not man enough to love her forever
Now I am engaged to the reality that some women are fated to be thrown away or kept under the covers
My mom is a woman
My mom is a woman who has been pried open by her husband
Left to damage and to renew her vows to her own self destruction
I've watched my mother die inside because of a man who lies
I should have known as a 24 year old Marine you must have had a love for war
Then you brought it back with you and put it into your relationship, into your job, and into our home
Now 25 years have fallen and Mommy can't think straight anymore
Now I see her shrinking until she's bone and broken, broken bones
A skeleton in the dungeon of marriage
Faded into nothing but the silhouette of a woman
Her shadows on the walls are getting smaller
And her voice a lot quieter except for when you're fighting
And I ask you if she's leaving
You want to tell me
"Mommy does nothing wrong,
But Mommy is not enough for me and I’ll forget you remembered I said this when I tell you that I hope one day you’ll grow up to be like her,
I hope one day your brain will shrink so you think you need to settle for a man who will never give
I hope every inch of your being is ingrained and bestowed in his name
Then you'll realize the reason that I still come home and the reason that I pray are the same,
It isn’t because I know I did wrong,
It’s because I know I’ll always be forgiven
That’s why I tell you to always look out for Jesus because Jesus has always looked out for me,
When I felt her hair and body brushed up beside me,
Saw different colored skin on the bed sheets and forgot my own family"
Tell me why you did it, Daddy
Tell me why my mom is one of those women who will never feel worthy
Tell me why because she loved, now she's hurting
Tell me why when I meet a man who wants me I ask him which parts he would pick out of me,
Sew into another skin that may feel more meant to be,
May be more soft, maybe
Smooth instead of my roughness is way more pretty
Mommy told me better sewn, because at least then there's still pieces of me where he was stitching
But I'd rather be wrong for you, because my father taught me I can be a wife and you will still choose otherwise
Tell me why I am not right for you
Tell me why I am not enough for you
Tell me why my mother and I have shrunk until we're bone and broken, broken bones
Skeletons in the dungeon locked by the men who swore they loved us
Pried open by them after they promised they wouldn't hurt us
Faded into nothing but the silhouettes of women.
Do you see us?
