it feels like my brain has crumbled and there's all of this empty space to create something new, but the only material I have to work with is the ruins of the old brain.
I'm rearranging the pieces. I revisited the I don't want to live part of my brain and moved the don't in between I and want to give up. I relocated trauma and built it next to strength. the maladaptive thoughts revisit sometimes, but they never manifest into action anymore. I couldn't destroy the I deserve this piece, so I centered it in love and kindness.
I thought the inside of my head was built to last. once you put clay into a kiln, it's impossible to reshape it without breaking it. there was hesitance before the destruction. there was a crack, a catastasis, but a calm collapse, and in the rubble, I saw a way to heal. I never knew a wrecking ball could be so gentle.