I never really understood Slam poetry There was a man, a mic, and a spot light There were words put on paper and words said There was an eb and flow and there was this rhythm Everyone seemed to speak the same Getting faster getting slower Getting higher getting lower And there were profound words whispered over coffee cups Obscuring the chocolate drizzled over latte’s foam It seemed odd and foreign Until I became a slam poet After all I think it’s how they say You never know a man until you walk a mile in his shoes But it’s because I used to look at those words they said and Over analyzed them Over scrutinized them I filed them Color coded them Cross reference and proof read them 1+1 had to equal 2 but with slam It equaled like eight And I could double check again and again I couldn’t get 1+1 to equal two
But it was because at that time I was a straight A student Reading seven books at one time And doing thinks like science fair projects for fun Because I had realize, even without knowing I had That if I was up to the rims of my glasses with books and papers I couldn’t see my life around me I paid less attention to the dishes I had to clean if I had equations running through my mind I never saw how much dad drank if I was reading and writing I took all those gold stars and straight A’s and plastered them over the cracks in my life I joined everything I could I did choir I did drama I was the editor of the year book I did extra credit and went overboard on home work I made my projects with blood, sweat, and tears And my academics were my life... But soon the time came that I got a B
And it didn’t fit quite as cleanly over the hole in my roof I used it to patch And I didn’t shine bright enough to block out the darkness And I began to see A simple column of letters Two letters 6 A’s and one B If put it under a microscope it would be made out of the same black ink spatter on pulverized and pressed trees It would still bleed the same if I dripped water on it But it was different Darker it seemed And at night it didn’t lull me to sleep as well as An A It was only 80% Not my usual hundred and with less zeroes it couldn’t block out the sound of my surroundings as well an A could I couldn’t wrap myself in it and hide I couldn’t click my heals and have it take me to a happy place No It was a B
And I plastered my report cards over my cracked old windows But there was now a hole where my B would have been
Light leaked in through there Light that shown on my house Casting a shadow down on the floor And the gold star and sticker coated family looked fine standing before me But the shadow silhouettes were of scary people Hurt people
And I never saw it all along because a smiley face with bright purple letters saying thing like “GOOD JOB!” “GREAT WORK!” “EXELLENCE!” Had been neatly peeled from perfect tests And as gently as it was lifted it was placed onto my family’s faces The stickers stuck because of their tears The tears that no longer existed once hidden by a sticker I then began to see that the light from outside could show me the world I then went and stripped my wall and windows Of reports cards, essays, and projects I shut off my computer with power points of greatness Flipping slide after slide after slide
I then opened my windows let air and light flood into my room And it showed me things Beautiful things
But then the light flooded into the rest of my house The breeze became a draft and invaded the rooms Illuminating the ugliness and hurt
And I tried to shut that window I tried to glue back up the papers I tried to sow back together ripped up gold stars
But I was not fast enough Me like Pandora tried closing that box again
What was done… Was done
It was too late I saw it all, if only briefly And now that room full of academic tokens of my achievement Seemed darker Even with the windows open It was darker Light shown in A dusky twilight At noon And my heart beat faster My breath quickened My scream scratched at my throat Trying to get out but not finding a foot hold It just clawed and kicked And on an intake of breath that scream lost its hold And fell back down my throat Landing in the pit of my stomach
I then walked out of my room and into my house and looked at my family I saw the ugly stickers on their face And peeled them off Without care and in a haste I was frantic And desperate And afraid Under those paper adhesive masks I didn’t recognize the faces And now I was in a house full of family I had never gotten to know and I was afraid Not like a scary movie Not like a dark basement More like being on a stranded island Watching a cell phone with service Get carried away by a seagull
I then looked to see the panic mirrored In my “families” faces and didn’t find it
I then walked back to my room And cried myself to sleep In the dusky twilight At noon
And when I awoke I found a composition notebook And a pencil…