On and off a lot weighs on my heart
Heavy on my chest
don’t know where to start

I’ve gotten lots of paper cuts while writing my book
There’s chapters where it hurts to go back and look
Pages that are just too hard to read
Hard to understand...
like trigonometry

In school I never took that class
but it’s probably really difficult if you’re bad at math

Life is like math or kind of like an onion
They both have the potential to make you cry in a sudden
Like in the middle of the day when you shouldn’t be emotionally unstable but you are
cause that one chapter and it’s little sad ending left a huge fu king scar

And I don’t write this for anyone but myself
cause there’s feelings I wanna yell and emotions I wanna shout
To bury the shame and the doubt and regret
And pull the bullet out that’s gone straight through my head

Bullets are like onions and math I’d assume they all can make you cry
But pulling it out is harder, when your own fingers are digging inside
Or by the fingers of another person
Ripping apart your wounds
Is a scar ever really healed if it can still bruise

I’m not angry, just a little salty
Cause there’s things I don’t want to remember that tend to haunt my memeory

I’d rather have a nice lunch with my demons make them friends
Then share my **** with people who won’t understand
But how will I ever know if I don’t ever try
I think you ****** me up too much to even try

And I’m standing on the stage,
naked in a nightmare shaking and afraid
Cause we trip over our humanity just to be fake
wearing religion and hypocrisy to the big masquerade

And here I’m standing in front of the crowd called life
Imagining everyone in their underwear I heard that makes it seem alright
And I think it really does help if we tear down our walls
if we share our truth our raw emotion our biggest downfalls
Unite the solidarity I’m not the only one who’s ****** up
You won’t find me wallowing in my sadness often but it’s there
And I don’t make this **** up