I’m currently writing this at a hospital at 12 am
I’m in a room with chairs and white walls around me
my friends and I went to a new coffee shop a couple of hours before
and yesterday I had a couple of friends that didn’t want me in their life anymore
it ***** being the main topic to someone else’s story
when the people telling it talk down on me and ignore me
I choose to not let the words of others break me
but it’s hard when I’ve been trying to keep too many doors open lately
I dream of moving out of state
to a new place
where people actually like me
and where the words that drip from my lip
are able to grip the other people around me firmly
and make others joyful and fill with them with blissfulness
but here my dear
those I hold near
spew out words of hate and bitterness
for a world that depicts mostly violence and rage
where people die and often become derange
I dream of an idea that is simply just strange
an idea that stems from someone who doesn’t think this same
I dream of peacefulness
not just when I’m looking at the tree outback
I dream of peacefulness
where words aren’t spit out at others to attack
I wish things didn’t happen the way they did yesterday
but I know it’s for the better me
I’m a ****** terrible person
I don’t deserve the friends I have
I hold a demonic presence inside of me
or that’s what they say about me apparently
so when I look outback and see the tree
I wish it represented almost everyone
so carefree and full of life
and everyday it’s branches sway as it soaks up water and continues to grow
it lives each day in a positive light
I wish the group of people that used to be there for me would have just been honest
I wish they didn’t make me feel like I was there broken promise
I don’t plan on going back to that place again
the place that used to be my safe haven
but now has become the place of not being enough and not giving a ****
it became the place of
“how could you do that?”
“you don’t deserve the friends you still have!”
a place for drugged up angsty teens to cause scenes
and smoke ****
and blow smoke behind alleyways
it became the coffee shop
that brought a warm spark to my heart
but quickly turned into disarray
it became the place of many moments I had sobbed uncontrollably
and it became the place I lost my temper completely
and I felt like someone had to hold me back
the place was no longer
a warm cup of coffee and sugary snacks
it was a cold darkened room with toxic individuals
a once inviting place but filled now with others with attitudes pretty cold
and the people there would instead prefer to watch you cave and fold
than to watch you succeed and conquer your goals
so I might miss the once blissful coffee shop
but now it’s become a burden on me
a place where people fight and **** talk
and I might miss what used to be
but I’ll try my best to not hurt from the memories
I’ll move on and find myself through the madness again
I’ll find another safe haven and a better group of friends