The clock reads 4:30.
My friend is using the bathroom.
That must've been what woke me up.
Although I wish,
I know that is not true.
That frozen feeling in my chest
Resounds with my heartbeat,
Thumping faster and faster as I close my eyes.
My fitbit reads 75 bpm,
I know that can't be true,
It's going faster,
So much faster.
I try to sleep,
But images fill my head.
Dreams, or my own thoughts,
I can no longer tell.
I can't discern them,
All I know is that I am scared,
And right as I touch sleep,
I am jolted awake,
By an erratic heart,
And threatening images.
There is no screaming,
thrashing,
I am not awake enough to escape,
But not asleep enough to give in.
It is an all night war with my terror,
I'm not paralyzed,
I can move around,
But it follows.
It always follows.