Tears Cascade my cheeks
Streams of regret

I hate myself more today than yesterday for missing you
                while you
                celebrate the fourth of July
                with him
                campfires
                fireworks
                and family secrets chased down with
                cold beers.


Attempt to maintain the facade...

                                                     Everything is fine.

                                                          ­               Inhale.
                                                         ­                Exhale.
                                                         Refuse to panic.
.

Floating on oceans of your betrayal
Your silence is deafening.

Time creeps like a shark in deep waters

I dream
               of
                    abandoned cities
                    rotting landscapes
                    and
                           ... you

Caressing your frigid cheek as you lye in your casket

I dread the day I lose you
(I've already lost you)

Train my mind not to think about that.
Train my mind not to think about you.

My heart, a stubborn child, refuses to forget.
Beating slowly,
beckoning these bruised and clumsy bones to get out of bed.


                                                          ­               Inhale.
                                                         ­                Exhale.
                                                         Refuse to panic.

One foot in front of the other
Learn how to walk this life without you

My friends assure me,
"it's okay to not always be okay"

September 1st  :  12 am
I await a call I'm certain will never arrive
Sing to myself instead
It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to

                                                             ­            Inhale.
                                                         ­                Exhale.
                                                         Refuse to panic.

Teach myself to like being alone.
Block you on Facebook.
Teach my myself to feel the sun
and hear the birds again.

Tell myself

I am strong.

Tell myself

I don't need anyone.


Fake it til you make it.

                                                            ­             Inhale.
                                                         ­                Exhale.
                                                         Refuse to panic.