I could barely breathe.
In my throat were lodged the words I couldn't say.
The words were struggling to get out, they were trying to strain themselves out of my lips but I kept them down and remained silent.
I could only nod along because my mind wasn't there.
At the moment, my mind was preoccupied with holding back my screams and cries.
I didn't want them to see how truly mental I was.
Emotions are not at all greeted with open arms here; They're ridiculed and looked at with scorn.
Why would I want to be the one receiving the glares?
My vulnerability at the slightest things is considered a humongous weakness.
I can't show them the tears.
They may see the tear stains but they're easily looked past.
No questions are asked and even though that's a relief I really wish I had someone to talk to.
Hugs are amazing when you completely trust the person you're with, I don't have that.
Comfort from simply being with someone, I don't have that.
I should be content with what I have but what I need the most is what I'm lacking.
A long list I have that everyone sees yet never understands.
They'll never look deep enough.
Only I hold the answers yet no one cares enough to ask or truly care.
I have so much to say and I can only write it down.
I don't have to face anyone when I have a notebook and a pen in front of me.
I can properly articulate myself and not worry about embarrassing myself.
With a few clicks, it can be gone.
I'm a faceless entity here.
So when I write I know I don't have to lie.
My sexuality is out in the open here.
My crushes are mentioned boldly here.
My worries are spelled out for anyone to see here.
No pretenses.
Just me and a blank slate, waiting to be filled.