yesterday i was really proud of myself.
no swollen eyes,
no bruises,
no midnight walks across that frozen bridge.
for thirty two days i was truly okay

yesterday i was proud.
today i feel the pit in my stomach
that screams and tears and growls
all because i'm hungry,
all because i'm empty,
all because i'm wishing on stars
that are hidden behind clouds.
today i feel alone

yesterday i was proud of who i was.
tomorrow i'll be sickened by my face,
i'll be sickened by the splotches and scars
decorating my plain pale skin,
i'll be sickened by the weight
that i can't seem to lose,
no matter how little i eat
or how much i sweat.
tomorrow i'll be sick indeed

yesterday i was proud of
my strength,
my courage,
my smile,
my childish eyes and my chapped lips.
for a month's time i was proud.
yesterday i didn't remember who i was,
but my dreams have returned
and orion's sun bleached hair
and freckled cheeks
only remind me of what used to make me laugh,
of what will never make me smile again.

from now on, every today
will be so different from yesterday.