She gave it to me in a ceremonious way, since she's advised me to have rocks before
because they ground you when you hold them and it's better if they mean something to
you because then it is more powerful and I've had plenty of rocks, but none have really
worked so well as this one.
And I hold it with me nearly all day and it makes me feisty, and I feel strong because it
comes from her office, this island of sanity where I can suddenly let go of all the fear and
guilt and self hatred and realize it's them, not me.  No matter how much I want to believe it
is me, that they are good and if I only change.
But some people are not good, or wise or kind and they can decide that you'd make a nice target and
self laceration will not make them stop stabbing and stabbing, ceaselessly until you are nothing but
road **** on the floor because it is a great relief to them to let go of all that onto someone else
and so you must fight back and that means, you believe in yourself and you fight for that self and this rock came from her office and it came from under a plant and she wiped it off after my mind was
clear from another tornado of self hatred and punishment and she said, this rock comes from this office
and I didn't want to take it because I thought the plant needed it but she said not to worry that she
had plenty of rocks and now I hold  it
And I've been fighting, fighting against those dark forces and the darkest of them all, the one who
has made my life a scary mess for months now today he finally said he was sorry for misunderstanding me.  He said it twice and I think: this is a breakthrough and he may still take me down, because the future is far from certain but I would say you may take me down, but I'm going to take a piece of you with me. And I felt the power of the sanity in that rock and I hung on.  I hung on.