I sit here yet another time with my head in my hands
I really dont know if i can go through this again
I take the test for what seems like the thousandth time
But another negative is all i find
I cant help but bring my hands to my stomach
Wishing i had my own child so that i can love it
What have i deserved to go through this time to time again
God i thought you were suppose to be a helping friend
But now i have to get myself back up off the floor
I cant help but do it again and go back for more.
I cant help but want to have a kid of my own
So i can hold them in my arms and watch them grow
I know that i most likely wont ever get pregnant
I just wish id get at least one miracle present

I missed a period and i been getting sick
I hope its here. I hope this it it
I try not to get my hopes up to high but deep down i think my heart is racing
I *** on the stick, back and forth i start pacing

Two minutes, ding it is up
Gave it one more minute just for good luck
I walk over and look at the stick
Im so nervous as i glance down
Another negative i can feel my self breaking down

Why god just please tell me what is wrong with me
God i am on my knees begging you please
This pain is just to much to bear
I really am starting to get scared

Why? Why can i not concieve
Why? Why so many times have i been decieved
So many false signs
God its like you are laughing at me from the sidelines

I know i am not perfect
I know i am not always fine
Not just a piece or just a big part
I will love my child with all my heart

So i just want to understand why i am going through again
I finally calm myself down
I think i give up on having a child
Trying so hard i mustve gone wild

So then i said i give up
A wall is what i slowly built up
I look in my mirror and my eyes look dull
I see the pain and my wall slowly gets morr tall

Even though i have guarded my mind
Through my eyes my heart is easy to find
It seems it is slowly withering away
I dont even have the words left to say

I look at Jason my fiance
He looks so sad and upset
He said when i agreed to stop trying it's something i regret  
You have lost yourself even more than before
I love you with all my heart and even more
How about we find another way
Adoption is what i say

The child will be ours and we will love them as our own
Our love for them will be clearly shown
I lift my head more and tears form in my eyes
I said yes we will give it a try