it took years and so many callings from the sea
before i understood that you are not the only one,
despite what you have told me.
despite the messages you programmed into my vulnerable, developing mind
--no one will ever love you as much as i do--
no one will hurt me as much, either.
a disturbing sentiment about what should be the purest thing i would encounter
i was tainted and sought out toxic affection--
those who damaged me and covered it with
empty apologies, loveless touch.
it hurt and felt like the home i was accustomed to.

every day spent bathed in the sun,
towered over by redwoods or sticky from salty air, i
came a bit closer to home.
it wasn't a destination, it was an understanding of the truth
that i am not alone and i never will be.
your words were all i heard but not all there was