i used to have an easy time
enjoying myself
laughs came easy
smiles even easier
even being around these people made me happy

but something has changed
my heart has moved places
and my stomach refuses to consider the possibility that I’m safe
every word, every breath feels forced
out of an unchanging smile

i guess im just waiting
but i don’t know what for
for when ill finally have a day in which the possiblity of sleeping forever doesn’t feel appealing?
for when ill finally love myself?
maybe im just waiting for the sun to set
so we can finally start the bonfire
and the burning of my skin
will make me feel something