if destiny were a thermal lens inside of a telescope that shows where people are really meant to be then i am completely certain that you and i would appear as two red dots right next to each other but i can't allow anyone to touch me again for the rest of my life so i throw up a wall and despite its fearsome might the string between us found a way under a way through a way over the toxicity high above the venom like a spiderweb weak in appearance strong in durability we will always be connected it may sometimes feel like a nagging splinter that you must yank out of your flesh sometimes i am that way to you sometimes you are that way to me and separation seems ideal but we are really a strand of silk weaving in to and around the other creating a complex knot impossible to undo we are the product of so many things of pain of beauty of mania of gloom of numbness and if tangible it would all manifest into a piece of floral embroidery spelling both of our names and i often feel like you are the architect of my ruins you absorbed the dust and cracks and built me back up to a place of glory a place of greatness i wish i could do the same for you i mean youve said countless times i made an almost revolutionary impact on you but im a bad seed i decompose and pick you apart along with me when i cant get my way or when im jealous or when i feel insignificant i had a nightmare recently in which we met at a party in the city of angels or rather fallen angels because everything was frightening and loud and not once did you look me in the eye i begged to talk to you but you were consumed by frivolous tropes everything i have at times hated about you in reality all came together and i was left standing there lonely as **** watching you indulge i wanted to grab your attention with any bit of eloquence i could muster but i failed and stuttered and failed while you slipped away into a world im not worthy of and this is my fatal flaw i cant love without loathing we will never be pure this will never be wholesome but sometimes we feel a trace of it sometimes we see a glimpse of that ethereal plane we want to reside inside and im not sure if it really exists if it can be achieved if its just another distant dream but for now as long as you and i are pulled by the same gravity to the same core of the same planet then that alone is magnetic and nothing can take it away from us besides death although as we know im stuck inside a vicious mental cycle and eventually start to feel as if i really am dead as if im not really here as if i dont truly exist and i admittedly have always taken comfort in any indication that you feel the same way because i **** at loving and the chance to feel less ugly takes over renders me incapable of showing empathy and understanding and gentleness instead i relish in a wicked pleasure knowing we are both not okay this is me this is what im like and so purity cant be ours it rests in an abyss while corruption thrives right here in my mind in every single thing that i love you for is a deep resentment that i cant pinpoint the origins of perhaps it has something to do with the belief that i must not have fingerprints because touching people never leaves the mark i want it to and despite our distance i have dedicated the past five years to touching you emotionally spiritually i can only do that with art i cant do it with me why be me when i can be the artist and move you tremendously the problem is i expect you to be the artist too i expect you to create out of nothing i expect you to be nothing and perhaps i am nothing i have been nothing i will always be nothing until unless you decide to instill worth into me sacrifice parts of you save me a place of residence in this fourth wall you have built teach me to speak all things you have spoken teach me to see things like you have seen them teach me to create things like you have envisioned teach me to feel like you have felt more so endured i remember the first time you decided to be vulnerable with me and i was happy because you had only ever been gilded whilst i am six feet under i can only ever see you when i crane my neck and is that sick that more than ever i wanted i want you to choose me over everything you had just woken up from a nightmare you wrote to me about your fears though i was doe eyed though all i had to offer was a strained rub on the back though i was still her back then i was