Notice how miserable
you have made me

      and fix it.

I'm starting to forget
how fast my heart beat
when you ran your fingers through my hair
as I held my breath, trying not to cry.
But I know that I was shaking for days
after you left and it was all over.

I keep thinking that you're going to leave her
and everything will go back to the way it was,
but I know that isn't going to happen. Yet
something prevents me from accepting
this crucial detail.

I am terrified that I will never be happy without you.
Happiness begins to fill my body, until I think
about how ******* perfect you are. And once
I tell myself that I can't have that, everything else
is irrelevant. Then nothing will make me truly happy.
Only falsely felt, and for a slight moment
before I think of you.


                                                                                                                                    *CVT