i can’t care anymore because if i did i would crack. exoskeleton. so i don’t care. i just endure and keep living. it’s been a while. i don’t even have stripes anymore. i think about the last time a lot. all the time. i think about that night when it rained and i went out to the street and didn’t look both ways before i crossed on purpose. and i remember waking up in the hospital something like a thousand years ago with a tube in my nose and an iv in my wrist and asking them to stop touching me with their ***** hands and no i don’t want this saline can someone switch it to cyanide? but they left me there without saying a word and when the doctor came in i told him just let me dry out let me lay in street and soak up the earth. stop. what day is it? tuesday. what happened? you fainted. in the street? no. what street? nevermind. do your parents know about these scratches? not these ones. are you going to tell them? i’m 18. are you getting help? i don’t need help. do you want to talk about anything? no. and he looked at me just looked at me and took the iv out and let me go. i sometimes think he was god cause he didn’t say anything to them and he didn’t make me feel a thing. not bad, not good. he was as numb as i was. and that’s the last time i woke up wishing i hadn’t.