you are decidedly not the boy i love
no matter how closely you resemble him
and how sweetly you tell me he doesn't love me
i can't mould my fingertips so they fit your skin
i’m sorry
he’s all i think about
and all my fingertips crave

when his smile can be a lifeline
and break me all the same
i can not fool myself, or you,
into believing i love you
when your name is a placeholder that has never fit right
because his is sweet as it leaves my lips
and yours is dry and bland

that is not to say that you are dry and bland
but your smile pales in comparison to his
i’m sorry to tell you i have more love for that boy
than you have words to describe how beautiful i am
even when we both know you don’t find me that pretty

it is entirely possible he doesn’t find me pretty either
but i find him so beautiful i could spend days looking at him
and fall in love with him in a new way each day
even in my head
the thought of him
and how cruel his absence has been to me
makes me love him so much more

and i can safely say
you are decidedly not the boy i love
because i am a little glad every time there is distance between us
and there is always a cloak of insecurities and sadness draped upon my skin
that grows a little heavier when i touch you, and i fumble as i walk
but he manages to pull it off gracefully
tucking it away with care
because i think even my ugliness can be soft to his magical touch

i love him
so much more than i ever believed i could
in a way that is safe and caring
because cold and love spiked with thrill is something i no longer crave
now that i know how warm he is
please don’t touch me
when you know my heart and body belong to him
because i would not want to taint the love i have for him with your fingerprints;