It changes like sessions. Why? I don’t understand. Last summer it was hard. Thinking I wanted too die with the blade in hand cutting away. Seeing blood knowing I could do this was unbearable. It scared me. But this time everything seemed too get better but this tiredness still inside still hunting me. Now, a year later and those scary thoughts are back. I have someone who loves me and I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll give up and hurt him. He’s the reason i haven’t shut down. I even talk too him about my feeling. But he thinks he’s doing this too me but he’s not he’s the only thing that makes me feel okay.