“do you hate him?” everyone asks me
now that we are apart, I don’t understand
how they expect me to curl my lips,
close my heart, and utter harsh words
about the only person I have ever truly loved,
the person I made plans to spend my life with
the person I shared every part of me with,
heart, mind, soul, body, all crevices and dents
and shattered remains taped back together
I went through with you,
how can I hate you?

is it possible to stay up all night with you,
to listen to the trauma you have never spoken
out loud before, to run my fingers over every
dip, curve, and scar on your body, to grip
your hand when you are inches from falling apart,
to laugh with you under running water, under
freshly made sheets, sweating from running
the streets, in whispers at restaurants too fancy
for the likes of us kids, is it still possible
for me to develop any bit of hatred towards you?
how can I hate you?

it doesn’t matter that once or twice
you didn’t miss me the moment you or I
passed through customs, it doesn’t matter
that once or twice you lost all romantic feelings
for me, it doesn’t matter that once or twice
you let someone else come before me, it doesn’t
matter that once or twice you did not care that
I was on the edge of that ledge, the edge of the blade
pressing into my scarred skin, it doesn’t matter
that once or twice or maybe thrice
you broke my heart.

it doesn’t matter because none of that can come
between the bond we have formed through dancing
together at midnight, falling asleep on the phone to your
steady breathing, budget flights filled with anticipation,
drunk calls so often I gave up on counting, listening to
the stories no one else got to hear, the warmth that comes
from hearing you say I love you,
how can I hate you
when I loved you that much?