i’m not talking about “fake smiles”
the kinds that cover up sadness and grief
they are easy to spot and recognize
(they stand out,
ironically, like a mask)
especially if you, yourself
have experienced sadness or grief

i’m talking about the appearance(s)

physical,
like the almost unnoticeable circles under your eyes
or the way you wear your hair

social,
like the day after
you didn’t show up at school
or work
or anywhere

mental,
you stopped smiling
or, at least,
when no one was watching

me,
you avoided
me.
why?
me.

if we    live    in a world
where everything we do is controlled by
sadness
grief
fear

then why are we even here?

I guess everything is
illusory
masquerading
as alive

- c.c.d.