as much as every perfectly chosen word
inked onto the pages of a love story;
the glances i quickly steal when you look away,
the words i tentatively send at three a.m.
confessing things i didn’t know lived within me
now forming and taking space between us

your arms host thousands of my insecurities and fears
and you seem to hold them so lovingly
so i am no longer scared of giving them life;
the love with which you hold things that are pocket-sized versions of me
is a love embedded in my memory, sparked to life every time i look at you,
you look at me,
i really think we love each other the same way
because the beauty i see in you,
could be seen in me by someone who handled fragile things with care
i think i could be beautiful in that way
which is to say, i think i could be revered,
because this is a beauty i worship,
ever-present in my dreams, and fresh in memory during my waking hours

i am not so delusional to believe i am a god,
but i must have mistaken the softness in your eyes
for a sort of appreciation
love that only you could harbour for me,
because you do not love me
i’ve learned, painfully,
that i am a fool for loving so easy
and that most people do not toss such a delicate feeling around so recklessly
and trustingly,
for good reason
because now this is love blanketed in pain
and anxiety that does anything but cushion the fall

on paper, i swear we make sense
and i can believe that you do not love me
but there are several pieces missing
i must be seeing myself differently in the mirror than you do
because i thought we made sense
but if you do not love me, maybe i am not the person i thought i was with you
that girl is not stupid enough to fall into this type of trap
but i am
you should have told me how ugly i really am;
i must be, if my heart is not one you could embrace

and i need to take back all the pieces i gave you
because it no longer makes sense for you to hold them the way you do
even if there is still space, empty,
i do not want to be touching you
or for you to be touching anything that is remotely me
because i think i could easily believe you love me all over again.