tonight

when they drove

me home

they asked me how you were doing

and there was a three second pause

of silence before the word ***** came

spilling from my heart out my mouth

into the car

i polluted it with facts

facts about you.

they tried to empathize,

they said they understood.

they said they hoped things would get better

but i know they won’t because

they never have when it comes

to you.

i hesitated before i told them,

“she tried.” did you? did you really try?

i don’t know. i looked to you to help me learn

how to try

but i’m horrible at it, so

i don’t think i learned much.

before i knew it, i was home

i opened the car door and all of the facts

that came from my mouth

spilled out of the car,

onto the pavement and evaporated

into  the air

and i said, “thanks for the ride,

i’ll see you on thursday.”

i shut the door and was surprised because

i didn’t feel ashamed

for polluting the car

with facts of you because

they asked and i wasn’t about

to lie.

(i’ve lied enough for you in my lifetime.)