Darkness
within myself
I hide from fear
fear to whom
maybe my
mother
brothers
my abuser

I hide within myself
no where to run
I hide in the closet

I cry
and
I cry

no one can hear
not even my
mother
brother
my abuser

what should I do
tried many times
to run and to run

knowing what's to come
when I return
home

my mother ready
behind the door
what would she have
in her
hand

a
belt
wooden spoon

what fear to look for
within myself
I hide
many times
in my closet
no one can see me

I so skinny
no one knows
where to look
I can hear them
call my name

Anna
where are you

Anna
it's supper
many times
I miss supper
it wasn't important
to me

food oh well
I won't miss a day of eating
no one really cares
if I'm at the table or not

all I know
family isn't the life for me
negative and hate
no
love
no
trust
empty nest of sorrows

with the family I have
who knew

God
gave my
mother

a daughter to love
instead
all it is to her
is hate after hate

I tried and I tried
to do the best I can
nothing seems to please
her

what is it with her

I look up
to the sky
and ask

God
why
oh
why

I'm a girl
with four brothers

why was I chosen
to be a
girl

the only one in the
family
a
family
of
hate unwanted love

no one cared no understand
what life should be
all I know

in time
I needed to get away
for the purpose to survive
a life
to
wonder

only person that cared in my life time
my
loving
Grandmother

which we call her in
Italian

Nonna for Grandmother
she was the life
she was the love to who I was
she gave the basic love
taught me who I should be
but still
deep inside

I learn to
hate
shame
dislike
myself
to who I am

I blame myself for being born
into this World
that is so big and wide

I kept to myself
no
friends
empty nest of nothing
I spare the moments
in my room
that's all I had
four walls to look at
growing up

does anyone out there
understand
does anyone
understand the meaning
of being depress
the word
depress means many option and detail of a person

I found out many years ago
as an adult
I suffer from trauma mental illness

my illness I will tell
Bipolar
I have many other illness
do to being abuse
life seems so hate full
for
45yrs
now 47yrs old
almost 2yrs now
January 27, 2013

will be the actually date
of
positive outlook
to who I am
I've learn to love myself
within my own spiritual way
the outlook came from someone dear to me

a love that came
so dear so close
who knew I would find
a soul mate so far
yet so close

he gave me the life
life to live for
not to be afraid

he open the door
show me the way what life should be
he game me the option
to be who I am
like always
and wanted so dearly
for the years that gone by

life change to who I am
cause of him
he gave me the love that is so simple and basic it took
that long
to found that true love

I ask myself once again
how did I manage to fight within myself
became something more
for myself and to give what is given to me

help
I got
I took
I kept on going
the skills to understand
now I am brave
I have someone beside me
telling me
do not fear
I am hear for you
he came me the option
to take what is given
he gave me all
and still does
until this day

love came to me
for real
no lie
no false pretend what a man should be
he is the original man
that is raised
by
a fine beautiful mother and father
and
family wise
what a Blessing to find out

never been love that way in my life time
it is amazing what life can turn out to be

I am who I am
until this day
I stand tall and proud of my man
he makes me look amazing
every time I'm near him
I see all within him

so within myself
I don't run
I don't hide
I don't cry
all I know is

obstacle I fought
came a life time of happiness to express
my thought's in many ways
to who I am today

Darkness within myself
is within the light
of
a
man
who gave me the tools
to find
what life is all about
love and life

now 47yrs old