It was surreal
Like only a bit of me was really
The part of me that wanted to ease my mam's mind
So I walked in
And I sat awkwardly
She asked why I was there
I looked to my mam but I knew I had to answer.

Why?
Because I hurt
Because I feel miserable
Because I feel like hanging from rope
Will be easier than rising from bed tomorrow.
Because I found a way to help myself
That nobody else thinks is a good idea
Because they don't get it.

"The school saw I was hurting myself and recommending going to my gp."
That's what I said.
We had a talk
About things they thought were important
Not about important things
I never added anything
Maybe because my mam was there
Maybe because I didn't want anyone to see
How ****** up I really am.

I saw someone for a couple of weeks
Teaching me things I know how to do
I'm just scared to do them.
They said "anxiety"
Where I said suicidal
They don't know
And they don't care
If they really did
They would ask more
Talk more
Help more.
Why should they care?
It's my problem
I don't want to burden the people that would care.

So I talked to a professional
For my mam's sake
Not mine.
It didn't work.