Sometimes
I do this thing, play this game
with myself.

I call it "Imagine If".

I imagine how the moment could have gone, how it would have played out.
I go through the scene, beat by beat, until I get to that crucial moment and think about how it could have gone.

What if I had said that versus that.
What if I had done that versus that.
But these verses play out in my head, and don't ever see the light of reality

And then I play out moments that are still to come.
I rehearse them,
like a broken play, and disjointed scene
until they are perfect.

But these rehearsed scenes now have expectations,
the potential to be disappointing
and that,
could **** me.

Because what if it doesn't work out like that? What if they don't play out like that?
What if life isn't what you rehearsed?

What if it doesn't work out the way you wanted, or it doesn't feel the way it should?
Your expectations have been destroyed, have been vanquished,
like a dragon by a knight, or witch by a pail of water.

And beat by beat,
Day by day,
those expectations aren't met, and I blame the universe.

But aren't I the one to blame?