everything was over and i saw you leave your body for a little while when the ghost filled you up it was like i didn’t know you it was like no one did you were an abandoned house and i was a visitor with spray paint who wanted to live forever and now i do through you i marked you but you're too strong to admit that you lost part of yourself that day and i did too and im too weak to try to tell you you’ve changed and perhaps it has nothing to do with me but you haven’t been the same since that day when i unlocked the cell of my old friend and decided to let it run wild again and i turned the stones into the deepest shade of maroon and watched what was left of myself drain down my thighs staining the flesh of nature and driving a wedge between me and the world i always thought it would be fun to be an astronaut but now there’s no need i’ve been miles away from this place since that day when the sky turned the color of the bags under my eyes and you became the thing that i can’t seem to shed from my thoughts it’s the morning and i’m waking up and look in the mirror and see what you said mattered for so long what you say matters but i know you don’t know you haven’t seen my soul you haven’t gone on a deep sea dive through the matter of my body if you had you’d only find the pills and potions that have kept me breathing even when i tried to make it stop and today is an anniversary celebrating the year i have lived this lie and still haven’t found the secret to being happy