how am I supposed to look my friends in the eye
tell them that a guy held me down and ****** me
but I can't dare say it was ****
in the face of the law because I didn't scream or I didn't say what I wanted loud enough
as if my actions had no reason behind them
as if me pushing him away and not kissing him
meant yes keep going
in the eyes of society it makes me a ***** having slept with two guys at my age
having it not feel like anything having no pleasure brought at all
how am I the *****
if I can not even describe to you how good it can feel  
when all I can say is that I remember not feeling a thing
floating in a room
rocking back and forth
looking to the ceiling into the beams of light casting onto the screen laid before it
looking at the dust float down and touch my skin turning
my head more
not dare look at his face
looking at the seat
as he used his lips to bruise my cheek
how do I describe that to those I love to those who say I'm lying to those who tell me to get over it to those
who turn their back and utter that five letter word
starting with a w
ending with an e
never put those together
it was never we
it was a boy of age 17
and a girl not even 16