I am in the coffee shop. You wish you were. Your snouty head is one great flappy nostril. Your belly is huffing and I know if I could hear you You'd be whining. Your eyebrows are raised in a way that defies (or proves) evolution theories. Your pinkly jowls dripping with the mixed urban aroma of cars, pigeons, and smelly bipedal mammals. An olfactory carnival. You sit on the pavement red-leashed to a bike, a statue of solemn dignity as passerby pause to scritch your ****.