She died a sudden death
at least the the bullets impact
slammed the door.
but I cant say for sure.
I hope so.

I dreamed her in repose a few months before.
I am not a dreamer nor  do I think I have a gift.
I saw her with ruffled lace around her throat
asleep still lovely in profile a hint of a smile.

The mahogany half lid removed. just her face
and I shuddered knowing it was a dream as I dreamed it .

                                                     You know when you know that you are dreaming
                                                        ­                    and choose to let it play out. That was the case.
I left her to her own devices knowing they were fatal
in the long term but not so long after all.
I knew she would find the rainbow even told her so

                                          Her death wish was  on display the day
                                                             ­             The brown van careened around the corner
                                                                ­          The blue sedan in pursuit shooting blindly
                                                         ­                 she stood and watched the show go by
                                                              ­            with no regard. I looked up at her from where I
                                                                ­          sprawled and knew for sure then that she
                                                                ­          hoped for the rainbow.
  Diana was her name.

  Out of sync with her existence.
  Boy how did she last that long.

  She  told me  once and never repeated
one warm California night as we sat on
the level roof of an adjoined  building from her apartment
we sat and watched the pinprick stars far away in the
black velvet sky drinking cognac as the city lights cast  from afar.
she told me.

She told me and I cried inside of a father
who took her innocence and made her prove her love in a twisted oral benediction.
Then It all made sense. We never spoke of it again and her scars glowed purple and pulsing
from within.

  

   All heart and soul.
   Caramel eyes that held love always
   Never anger or even pain. That
   was buried as deep as the hole
   she has lain in for years.

This is as close as I have come to saying goodbye.
She drifted backwards.
Old and new acquaintances
Toxic .

The end was brutal.
The rainbow at the end of the pain.