Jun 2018
Life’s been a little tormenting recently
She keeps chewing me into tiny morsels
Chewed meat getting stuck between sharp canines
Then she has this immoral habit of spitting me out , hard
Meat flying through air to splatter on the concrete
Combined with the dirt
Camouflaged in the brown
Rupi told me my skin is the color flowers grow in she forgot to mention how cold it gets being unrecognized
She lied
Just like all he hims ,
They all have some demons
First he chooses metamphatomine , cuts his palms open and pours in orange juice , he yells to and throws very scary words at me , my therapist said I experience abuse
I don’t know if I believe her or if I’m in denial
Maybe I am I don’t feel the connections sparking
My nerves in my cerebrum feel like they’re missing a circuit or maybe a current
The second him is electricity he fuels everything he is power , or that’s what I believe him to be, maybe he’s just a weak dark colored boy who was never taught how to love
Maybe his demon is himself
He self sabotages because he doesn’t realize that love can be kind , he only knows how to destroy
“Belief” its been hard
Connecting with the him that has no flaws the him that watches everything and hurls tests only to my capability
These tests are beginning to strip me of my smile I don’t know what’s wrong
I promise I’m trying to dig
I just feel sad
I feel like water
I want to burst and flow and I want to shimmer on shards of mint green plants , I want them to praise me , I need to praise him
I want to cover my hair
But MY DEMONS are pulling at my follicles like threads of a old T-shirt making me believe it’s pain it’s not pain I know that
It’s beauty to be given the steps on how to be happy
Prayer ?
How can I be so ungrateful for all the blessings you have given me
How can I complain so much when people are being tested to work
Why can’t I talk to you?
What is wrong with me ??
I need to connect I need to talk
I need to make a friend of you
Please find me , I am drowning I am water , I am calling unto you .
Save me , I want to breath contentment I want to spread contentment , instead of disappearing with the fossils I want flowers to grow out of my eyes
She keeps chewing me into tiny morsels
Chewed meat getting stuck between sharp canines
Then she has this immoral habit of spitting me out , hard
Meat flying through air to splatter on the concrete
Combined with the dirt
Camouflaged in the brown
Rupi told me my skin is the color flowers grow in she forgot to mention how cold it gets being unrecognized
She lied
Just like all he hims ,
They all have some demons
First he chooses metamphatomine , cuts his palms open and pours in orange juice , he yells to and throws very scary words at me , my therapist said I experience abuse
I don’t know if I believe her or if I’m in denial
Maybe I am I don’t feel the connections sparking
My nerves in my cerebrum feel like they’re missing a circuit or maybe a current
The second him is electricity he fuels everything he is power , or that’s what I believe him to be, maybe he’s just a weak dark colored boy who was never taught how to love
Maybe his demon is himself
He self sabotages because he doesn’t realize that love can be kind , he only knows how to destroy
“Belief” its been hard
Connecting with the him that has no flaws the him that watches everything and hurls tests only to my capability
These tests are beginning to strip me of my smile I don’t know what’s wrong
I promise I’m trying to dig
I just feel sad
I feel like water
I want to burst and flow and I want to shimmer on shards of mint green plants , I want them to praise me , I need to praise him
I want to cover my hair
But MY DEMONS are pulling at my follicles like threads of a old T-shirt making me believe it’s pain it’s not pain I know that
It’s beauty to be given the steps on how to be happy
Prayer ?
How can I be so ungrateful for all the blessings you have given me
How can I complain so much when people are being tested to work
Why can’t I talk to you?
What is wrong with me ??
I need to connect I need to talk
I need to make a friend of you
Please find me , I am drowning I am water , I am calling unto you .
Save me , I want to breath contentment I want to spread contentment , instead of disappearing with the fossils I want flowers to grow out of my eyes
