I've never been published, my work is dead.

I can't see an Oscar up in the mantle piece, or beside the bed.

Even a posthumous award might do.

Provided they tell me in lieu.


I'd be the first in the world to have a posthumous Award,

whilst still alive, they can take it back when i die.

I've been nominated 29 times before,

from the schizophrenic, who lives next door,

he has never read any of my books, his eyesight is bad,

It's just the few 'bob' I give him for a few drinks,

makes him think they must be good.


  I may send three chapters of my latest novel, to Harvey Weinstein.

    " Mushrooms come and go , but you are forever "

It's about a serial killer who owns and works in a Mushroom factory,

  He kills only Dwarf's, and uses their chopped up bodies as compost,

for his mushroom factory, he then makes one big mistake,

He falls in love, with a male Dwarf,and stops his killing spree.


  The Mushrooms eventually revert back to their normal compost,

  but taste awful,.. A Romanian community living in Tralee,

report the foul tasting mushrooms to the Police , and.......

  The poison Dwarf eventually runs away with Oscar Pistorius,

who is out on Bail, they become shoe Salesmen,

and live unhappily  ever after.


This is the big one , I can see it reaching the number one best sellers list,

   from New York to Caherciveen,  This book is not just for Dwarf's and  

Iron leg killers,  nor Mushroom lovers..


  By Holly Barrett