when you love someone so much, every little thing they do affects you
when they smile, it’s like the world shakes and you were just collateral damage
when they promise you something, you try so hard to fill these promises so you feel whole
when they hug you, that closeness is the safest thing and you’ll never want to leave
and when they tell you that you are their everything, you’ll even believe them

and when they lie to you the first time, you feel like you’ll never breathe again
your air will get caught in your lungs like spider webs
and your veins feel like they’ve stopped doing their job
and when the lie to you time and time after, it just becomes an expectation
and when they say that they’ll call the first time and they don’t, it hurts
but when they say that they'll call the second time and don’t, you’ll start falling over your own emotion
because you can’t play phone tag if the other person already quit the game
you’ll keep telling yourself that it’ll be different next time when you know it won’t
you’ll keep giving them chances upon chances, but you always told yourself that three would be the limit
and when you’re shaking at night and wondering what you did wrong, you go to a place you haven’t been since the last time you felt like your eyes would stay blurry from all that **** water
a place where you feel like you could’ve done something
and while your beating up your mind with a sense of regret, all you want is to pick up their pieces
all you want is to find new things that you did wrong so you won’t see the bad in them
you’ll worry so much that soon you’ll stop wondering why you still care
they obviously mean more to you then you mean to them and that realization hits you harder than any apology ever will
cause they will say sorry
and that they don’t know why they did what they did
and since you have more love for them than you even thought was capable, you tell yourself that this will be the last time they take your air and keep it for themselves
and you’ll tell it to yourself every time after that
when you love someone so much, it’s high highs or low lows