I tried to sleep but it's not working again, closing my eyes and waiting has never been this hard for me, pretending to be asleep til I actually am has never been this impossible before, how can I pretend with my eyes when my heart gives it away, how can I close my mind when it can't do anything but think about you, you. My suffering, my goal, my pain, my biggest and greatest achievement, my loved one, my hated one, you. It's all because of you, and you tried to blame me but how can I blame myself when I see no wrong in my actions, when I feel I've done you nothing of evil intentions, when I know in my heart I meant well, I can't. And if I can't then the blame is definitely not on me it's yours and I blame you My love, I blame you and I blame you again for leaving, I blame you for leaving me stranded on this island with nothing but a gun and one bullet, as if you had mercy on me that way, I blame you for leaving me with that "you'll find better" joke that stopped being funny the minute I met you, I'll find better? Will I find better? Am I gonna find someone who laughs at my jokes again? Am I gonna find someone who sees through me as I see through them again? Am I gonna be happy again? Am I gonna stop thinking again is it over already do I have to try again and again and again and again and again and again and again.? Do I have to try again? Yes, yes I do, because truth be told I live for these moments where I destroy myself, I live for the moments where I'm left broken, I live for the moments when they leave, cuz then I wouldn't be the bad guy, then I wouldn't be the heartless knight who tore through their heart, the ****** king who chose to betray his queen's trust, "the perfect other" who had imperfections, so thank you my love, my jewel, my piece, for leaving, for taking yourself away, for being braver than I, for making it easier for me to feel good about myself, no! thank you my love, for proving even perfection isn't enough, thank you for showing me even promises don't matter and thank you for letting me know why I hated love all along, thank you my love, thank you for leaving