It's night time again, and I'm thinking about you, again. That's what makes me sad, you went from a new person to a known emotion and then you turned into a forgotten memory, not even a whole memory you're fractured, broken into small pieces that my brain can't put together, therefore I remember your smile but can't remember how I made you laugh, I remember your tears but god knows I don't know how I made you cry, I remember your voice but it seems to me like you never said my name, because that memory is gone, along with your eyes color, haircut and chubby cheeks, along with the shape of your hands the step of your feet and the way your chest breathes, along with the way you say I love you and the way you hug me, all gone, but unlike the others you didn't leave your place empty, no you were kind enough to leave behind new memories, I now remember the way you scream, how your frown boldens your eyebrows and how your voice gets louder when you argue, I now remember how you like to hold things and throw them outta anger, or how you laugh then cry then scream then get silent all in that order, yeah you were kind enough to leave me those behind yet I can help but to wish you left without any gifts to remind me of you, I wish you just left like the rest, no heads up, no idea how to tell me, no clue why, you see I used to hate that, the way they leave without telling like I'm a child whom family don't want but now I understand it's mercy, mercy because after awhile I forget, after a while I forgive, at least after a while I understand, but your kindness still leaves me with hatred towards you, or myself, your kindness still leaves me with regrets, your kindness still leaves me with what ifs
What if I apologized
What if I treated you better
What if I was better
What if I screamed too
What if I was worse
What if I left first
What if I left first
What if I left first, what if I left without a notice, without a letter, without a text, what if I packed my blue jeans, my white shirt, my toothbrush and just left, what then, would you understand I did it for the both of us, would you understand I had mercy, would you understand I cared about you even as I took those last four steps through the door, those one, two, three, four steps that got me out of your life, something is always funny with how easy it was, one, two, three, four, that's all took, yet I'm still afraid of those four steps, I'm still hurt you walked those four steps, did it feel as easy as I thought it would be, did it go one two three four? Or did it go something more like four. Four. Four. Four.? Did you want to leave as fast as you can? Did you doubt yourself at the second step? Maybe third? What about the last one? No? Of course not what am I thinking, because if you did you'd still be here, leaving new memories, but you're not, you're there, there where I can't see you, hear you, or remember you, you're there, and I'm here, and that's far away from where we were.