and i'm not afraid to fight
and i'm not afraid to die
and i
am
not
afraid.
[actually, i am not
much of anything right now]
and i.
there are days when i find it
immeasurably
desirable
to just rip my organs out-
-just rip them
right fucking out,
i never knew nails could dig through flesh like
that until she did it-
- blood spattering all over that painting i
just finished, dear what a waste i was
going to get an a on that.
there's a hollow right behind my heart
that i can't feel until you leave
i feel
incomplete without you, that's what
love is
but i don't-
can't-
love you
because if i did
i'd feel too guilty when i hurt you
and believe me darling i can hurt you.
[ icanhurtyou ]
there's the kind of girl you don't want to love
because she doesn't care
[about you]
at all and that is me.
there's that girl.
sitting on the rooftops
like she
gives a
damn
about her image
she's not vain she's just conflicted
and she's sitting there
like she
gives a damn.
there's a war going on
in my head and it's
bloody gruesome.
the doctor diagnosed me
with self-induced apathy
and he was
so right
i
ripped my
heart
out-
i hate my emotions
so much i
tear them apart
and keep them
like secrets
in the pit of my stomach.
they're better food than the lies she told me
and so much sweeter
and i [.]
lied too, forgive me dear.
forgive me for not wanting to feel.
i
am
too
afraid.