Harpooned a droonin’ raccoon
Couldnae huv ‘im talkin’
ae paced away fae ma hoose
Gawked me oot ma wheelchair joggin’

Bolted efter ‘im doon the lake
Chased that snake stalking
ae tried tae make like steak
Sizzling along nae-longer walkin’

Caught up wae ‘im et boulders cabin
Stitch stopped the grass in ‘is tracks
Promisin’ ae wullnae go gabbin’
Dinnae I know that fur a fact

Flexed a boot aff raccoon chist
Ae splashed in the wat’r pantin’
Harpoon - trigger, flick o’ the wrist
The meat was ******' outstandin'.