‘Cause this is what happens
when you hand yourself
over to somebody else
& you’re alone in your head —
the least where you want to be
— wanting to find even a sliver
of evidence that they ran away vs.
you pushed them away & which
is worse. I am not yet tired of
remembering ruin. I want my
eyeballs soaked in a coffee pit.
I want the three seconds I admit
I need rescue to last longer before
I snap back & hit my face hard.
I want freedom to choose not to be me.
I want to be reborn as a motionless
centerpiece in a street with skyscrapers
so high they cover the sun. I want to
wear stripes & I want toy guns in the
compartment of my imaginary
2nd-hand Lexus & I want my food vacuumed
off the floor with a metal detector. I want
paper skin & dotted lines around my neck
& collarbone as if to say hit here, or find
the missing panel. I want to learn all forms
of worship & the names of all gods male
& female one-headed three-headed
featherskinned slimy able to breathe
under water can hold lightning can **** son
can shoot laserbeams from eye
can run like a horse & act like a man.
I want to touch a full moon with my bare hands
& I want to do as I am told & I want to
focus on my own paper & I want a sudden
stroke of genius to fly away like a plastic
bag before the tornado blows the roof off
our heads. I want to control the climate
& tilt the world a bit more downward
so Antarctica gets more nights. Somebody
whispered in the wind the secret of walking
& I think I already know what it is.