Oh what a joy to catch a train,
The seats so tight my legs in pain,
listening to a chatter the most inane,
60 quid? I think I’ll complain.

Chewing gum marks my seat,
A miserable rabble crammed in like sheep,
a death camp cruiser is not an imaginative leap,
the vibrating windows mean I can’t even sleep.

And now here comes a smelly man,
to sit next to me with his can,
the intelligently nostrilled away they ran,
When did this creature stop giving a ****?

A child’s cry ruptures my ears,
and merges with the perfumes of old dears,
a concoction so horrific it nearly brings me to tears,
where’s that smelly ******* gone? I think I’ll have one of his beers.