Watching her play "The Entertainer" on the keyboard,

I was completely overwhelmed with a vast ocean of deep emptiness.

I've completely dived into a realm where I did not belong.

I could never belong.

But I already knew this.




I didnt know how to act or what to say.

I have nothing that has prepared me for this.




The little girl has so much excitement to see

but I could care less about her.

She is not me, and I'm not her.

There lied the initial problem.




The little boy has down syndrome.

and autism.

he is the only person I can relate to

as we share the same bewilderment towards each other.

We stare, having trouble wrapping our brains around the fact that we share the same blood.




All I can do is stare.

I can barely muster up any fake smile or laugh.

I can barely carry on a conversaton.

What am I doing here?

I feel like a ghost who realizes everyone in the room can see me.

I sit in silent anger.




All this was premeditated.

So why then, am I choking?




This house in which I sit,

This music which fills up my ears;

This was all taken away from me.

And Im the only one that really understands.




Too much time has passed for anyone to try and put a bandage on the wounds.

Too much time has passed for anyone to cap the nightmeres.

I was the only one that tried to split the gap.

I was the only one that cared.